Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Five Months

Tomorrow will be 5 months since I got in my wreck and lost my car.  FIVE.  MONTHS.  One, two, three, four, FIVE.  Five months since I picked up Tallulah from the vet and everything changed.  Five months of relying on others to take me places.  Five months of having to make sure someone’s schedule is clear when I need to run to Walgreen’s or the bank or supper with my friends or ANYWHERE.  I try not to think about it a lot, as it drives me absolutely insane.

Nana and Papa have gone above and beyond helping me out and taking me places and for that I am forever grateful.  Four months, four weeks and 2 days ago they pretty much changed everything and let me move in so they could take me to work and school until I got another car.  I honestly thought I’d have a car by now, but then again, I also thought I would still have a well paying job, but that’s another story for another day.

Tomorrow night some of my friends are getting together for dinner and karaoke and to celebrate one’s birthday.  I really want to go, but I have things I have to work out first.  How will I get there?  Where will I spend the night?  How will I get back home?  These are the things I have to think about these days.  This is my reality now.

Do I like it?  Absolutely not.  Is there anything I can do about it?  Not really.  Am I dealing with it?  For the most part.  Most days.  I didn’t plan for that girl to pull out in front of me.  I didn’t plan for my car to crumble the way it did.  Nobody wakes up one day and says, “You know, I think I’m going to total my car today.”  Well, most people anyway.

I’m thankful I have who love me and help me out.  I’m grateful Tallulah was okay.  I’m thankful the people in the other five cars were okay.  I’m thankful that I’m okay.  I know it could have been a lot worse and I try to remind myself that every day.  Even more when I have days like I did Monday where all I want to do is feel sorry for myself.  A lot of things change when the freedoms you’ve had from having a car for four years are taken away from you in an instant.

I want to hate the girl that cut me off with every fiber of my being, but that’s not who I am.  I just don’t have it in me.  It angers me that she didn’t have that much damage to her car and that even though she admitted she pulled in front of me, I hit her from behind a few seconds after she hit the four cars in front of her and yeah it was legally my fault.

I know I’m more than blessed.  I may not have a car but I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, food on the table, I’m in school, I have friends and family that love me and so much more.  All I have to do is look back at pictures of my car and even though I get furious about what happened, I know that the angels were busy that day because I not only walked away, I only had a few bruises.

Yes I get mad and sad and frustrated and when I do, I just remind my self that everything will happen in His time; I have no control over any of it.  If anything this has been one big, long, huge lesson in patience and I don’t think I’m anywhere near having finished learning it.  Everything happens for a reason, even if we don’t know what that reason is.

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