I used to love Christmas. Decorations! Lights! PRESENTS! I loved coming home from the late candle light service at church. It was already Christmas and I went to bed knowing that Santa was on his way and I’d wake up soon to find presents under the tree and cookies eaten.
I know Christmas isn’t about the presents and Santa. It’s about Jesus’ birthday and family, but the Santa part is a nice little perk. At least it used to be.
I stopped really enjoying Christmas when I got into high school. I’ll admit that if we had get togethers I might like it a little more, but when your parents are divorced and your family isn’t as close as most, once the opening of presents is done, there really isn’t much more to do for the rest of the day.
I’m the only child between my parents and the oldest of four between my dad and his ex-wife. Growing up, they didn’t make ridiculous amounts of money, be we had what we needed and come Christmas and birthdays, we got a little something extra. now they’re divorced and my dad makes more money that he ever has, which means the kids get more for Christmas now than I ever could have imagined. I realize life isn’t fair and that’s jut how things work, but it still sucks.
I am an adult now and I don’t expect to get as many presents as I used to, but just because “I’m grow and should be out on my own” doesn’t mean that it hurts any less.
As I sit here, The Bubs is complaining that Daddie owes him money for some toys that were left at Daddie’s ex-fiancée's house. Never mind the fact that it’s been almost a year since he’s seen them and they’ll just sit in his room, rarely being touched. Daddie owes him the money because they were left over there.
He gets more for one Christmas than me and my two sisters ever got growing up and he takes that for granted. All I asked Daddie for this Christmas was an Epiphanie bag. I realize that, yes, it is a lot of money, but I’m okay with this being my only present. What bothers me is that The Bubs is asking for an Xbox for Christmas and Daddie keeps reminding me that I asked for such an expensive gift.
I’m older than the youngest kids. I know that. I’m okay with that. I’m not okay with the fact that they get spoiled beyond belief when it comes to Christmas and I get the short end of the stick.
I don’t want to come across as ungrateful or whiny, because I know there’s more to life than how many presents are under the tree come Christmas morning and I’m grateful to even have a tree to put presents under.
Just because I’m older and don’t believe in Santa anymore thought doesn’t mean that it hurts any less when I get a few presents and The Youngins are opening present after present after present.
The joy in Christmas gets taken away when you spend most of the morning fighting back tears because your feelings are so hurt.
It is hard to see siblings being given more than you, I've been there, done that and it's hard to swallow, no matter how old you are. I hope it gets easier.
ReplyDeleteKatie Bug,
ReplyDeleteA little bit from your Dad's perspective. I know that we give Josh a little more than the older ones because he is still in High School, and that it probably bothers them. It might bother them less when he graduates this year and they are all on a level playing field.
It isn't that we love the older ones any less, and honestly we have a hard time not evening it out before Christmas morning. They all wind up with about the same amount when it is all said and done. If we had more money - they would all have more.
You are in a tough position of watching the younger ones reap the benefits of a bigger cash flow. I don't know about the expensive present, but I can tell you amount of gift does not equal amount of love.
It's an attempt at kicking the baby bird out of the nest and into reality....and it hurts when you hit the ground. It hurts the Momma and Daddy bird too, believe me.
If I can give you one bit of advice, know that you will always be your Daddy's first baby girl, and he will always love you. The only perfect Daddy you will have is God, and He loves you more than any human ever can.
Let me know how you are doing. Wish our family was as close as when you kids were little.
Love you,
Aunt Jo Lynn